Made with the same love and tenderness as The Good, Bad, and Beautiful, Bikini Academy is simple moronic humor, pathetic dialogue, and bountiful use of the, ahem, female bust. Brainless blonds, studs as duds, and just enough storyline to cover private parts–no more, no less.  The premise, the story is about a lifeguard school.  There are plenty of annoying stereotypical characters to gob off on.  The musclebound kid from the midwest (with a seriously dangerous corn fetish) is a tragic example.  Then there is the one who tries to be the spitting image of the Keanu Reeves character from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. You can’t expect much with a title like Bikini Academy, thankfully. At least the nerds stayed away from this blond bombshell.

Happened to be going by Big Lots in Goffstown on the way back from Nashua. I was not feeling particularly lucky, but decided to swing in for old times sake.  Hit the mark.  Not only did a fresh shipment of DVDs arrive that very morning, but there was quality and quantity (and at $3 each about as good as it gets).  Loaded up on Bonds (James) from Dr. No to Living Daylights.  All were new, all with extensive extras, and enough to say I am in decent shape with the series. I also picked up non-Bonds in the same buy-up.  Earlier that day I picked up new from Wal-mart a 20 movie set for $5. I was looking to buy one movie from the set (The Battle of Eagles) but for the price I got lots of back-up and a few movies.  They span from 1942 to 1989 a real good spread of World War 2 interpretations. The Battle of Eaglesis of the “partisan”movie genre and a fine example of Yugoslavia patriot/propaganda movie.  The other plus (of the day) was knowing I did a bit for the economy.

Borders has been books.  Then they put in lots of DVDs.  For many a year they were a source of decent movies.  But the recession cometh and the glass fell out of the window.  Slowly the supply dwindled.  And my last trip there resulted in a purchase, a single BOOK purchase. I saw the DVD section in great flux. Welcome to the Age of Uncertainty,

Never has such a movie with a grandiose name and from such a storied franchise been such a vast and cold dish of wet noodles. Oh there is action, and multiple locales.  There are mean Russians, flesh eating ants, and aliens galore.  But Indie (Ford) is clearly doing it under duress, Marion (Allen) is just happy for the work. And surely the results are doing too much after too long with too many storylines.  There are any number of “jump the shark” moments to riddle the movie.  The tragedy is the waste and squandering of franchise and talent.  Too bad as Harrison and Allen have talent.  And the producers had the resources. Pack it in Indie.

This post is off the reseveration regarding movies.  Too much has happened in the last week.  First, my dear Uncle Bill passed away suddenly on the road from Florida to NH. He was a huge influence and fixture in life.  He was always there–but no more.  On a brighter note, I shall soon be launching a companion blog called Kinkikali.com. For a long while I wanted to go beyond movie commentary (finding it too restrictive), but was dogged by not having a name for the blog.  Well that was resolved in short order.  My brother Sherm (who helped and is helping with Cinepatnam) has secured the domain name.  Work should start shortly and should be fully dressed by fall of this year. The content, unlike Cinepatnam, will be wide open—politics, arts, media, photography, history, economics, trends. “Cine” will remain open for viewing, but  ”Kinki” will add diversity of thought to the blogsphere.  Finally, another death, David Carradine. Dying can’t be stopped. But dying under bizarre circumstances just doesn’t seem fair, especially given David’s long (albeit “B” list career).  Dying, hung up in closet in the world’s sex capital (Bangkok) where weird is normal, is not how I’d like to leave existence.  But things happen, and some are pure head scratchers.

Dawn is considered a positive word in English.  It generally has a good context.  Generally.  Here are some movies with “Dawn” in the title.

Red Dawn:  A Reagan era romp that is the epitome of  “get them Ruskies” genre.  The Commies invade and the high school jocks fight back. Lots of action and Patrick Swayze.

Zulu Dawn:  Another invasion–this time the (British) Commonwealth goes out to provoke the Zulus.  This is a case of “the natives are restless”.  Note Peter O’Toole, Bob Hoskins, and Burt Lancaster duke it out with the impis.

September Dawn:  Back to the American West.  This time Pioneers cross paths (and swords, guns, etc.) with Mormon Settlers or Indians.  Pioneers get the worst of it.  Indians blame Mormon Settlers.  Mormons blame Indians. Bad times for all and hey, call in the CSI unit.

Rescue Dawn: More downers, with a “happy” ending. Vietnam War and the American pilot goes down. Escape is impossible and imprisonment is a bummer. But Dieter (the pilot) is persistent (and lucky).  He gets his rescue or better put rescue dawn.  A nice dramatization done by Werner Herzog who also produced a companion documentary (Little Dieter Needs to Fly).

There is a strange world of used DVDs:  DVDs not new, but not old either. Pitchfork Records is in the center of that universe (and in Concord NH–the epicenter of NH).  Located at 2 North Main (Tel: 603-224-6700).  They sell used, pure and simple—CDs, DVDs, records, stereos. They do good enough.  They are taking over the old Foodees restaurant across the Pleasant Street/Main Street junction.  Selection is mainstream, foreign flics are hard to find.  They sold me my first ABBA DVD and for that I am forever grateful.  The prices are decent enough.  Half-off sales are frequent, if not permanent. Stay tuned for the move–to be soon I’m told.

Hometown Hillsborough NH seldom hits this blog.  But a little store, recently opened, just became an exception.  The Final Stage is at 3 Depot Street where 149 meets Main Street.  The store is tucked away in a cramped little place where many a store have existed.  All the merchandise is second hand–basically the owner’s worldly goods (there is a sad story behind this).  The prices are pretty good $1-6 for mainstream DVDs.  They also sell games, action figures, and such. You can reach them at 603-464-3683 or FinalStageVideoGames@gmail.com  This business model may be more common as the economy tanks.

Back before moving to Hillsborough NH, I lived on Pleasant Street in Concord NH.  My apartment was across from Concord Hospital where family members have been frequent customers.  The street had memories all the way down–down to where Cinema 93 resides.  Cinema 93 was a rental place with a serious movie fetish.  They were honest with hand written receipts.  Once in a while they would sell some overstock.  Then trouble—Netflix, recession, those damned DVD buyers.  So it was announced that Cinema 93 would close and sell stock.  I skipped the hype and crowds of the first days. I arrived on the day before the next scheduled price drop (and at first light).  The prices were $6.99 and all DVDs were clearly used. Well it was a good haul.  And though I struggle with past/present tense about a store about to close, I present a quick run on what I picked-up:

Peking Opera Blues:  The crown jewel of the haul.  I could not rent it from Netflix and Amazon had it for $85.  This is an action-adventure musical that is pure fun.

The Black Rose: Tyrone Power and Orson Welles, a movie I ever heard of. Yet Mongolia and caravans hits right at heart.

A Real Young Girl: A very controversial French film from the 1970’s. Very pricey elsewhere, a steal from Cinema 93.

El Topo: Another not yet seen western, very strange western from reviews. Again not cheap on the open market.

Red Zone Cuba (MST3K): Not one to pass an MST3K, this baby missed me the first time around (or vice-versa).

Geburtig: Another never before watched Holocaust movie–of course  one can never enough of this genre.

The Gathering Storm:  An HBO biopic about Winston Churchill with Albert Finney and Venessa Redgrave.

Midnight Run:  Never to be outdone, this comedy keeps running as bullets and jokes fly.

So all in all a nice collection of movies. But unfortunately at a heavy cost.  Thank you Cinema 93 and all the good you brought to Pleasant Street and the Greater Concord area. (Fade to Black)

This is a real doozy. Set in a small town in Columbia (exotic locale) in the 1970s present day, there sits a US owned cement factory (serving all of South America) owned by capitalist pigs with foul mouths and butt pinching hands.  A local revolutionary named Sanchez but clearly modeled on Che Guevara has an axe to grind against the Gringos.  There is also a spooky parish priest, lots of dancing and singing locals, a disturbing diminutive mayor, some meddling teens, a lake, a “witch”, and a poorly cast monster who figures as a bit player.  The elements for a smash hit are there–but the product is a load of shoddy footage.  The sound and photography goes from poor to poor.  The acting is annoying.  The storyline is predictable.  But there is plenty of foul language.  Fishing for a lake monster (using a rug as bait, how original) is kinda neat.  Jim Mitchum (elder son of THE Robert Mitchum) brings his Dad’s voice and almost mirrored image–but little else.  Apparently Jim Mitchum’s movie career was even more obscure than little brother Chris (who at least shared the screen with John Wayne).  This movie (also known as The Monster, among others) could not have moved Jim’s career along.  This movie would be great for MST3K.  Speaking of great, the movie has a scene where the local constable goes out on a little motor boat to confront the giant monster (maybe a 30-40 footer) with a paddle. Yeah. Blows the mind.