Few movies rise to the level of cheesiness as They Saved Hitler’s Brain.  Made in the 1950’s and 1960’s, this hobbled together classic masterpiece of junk has a kidnapped scientist, Hitler alive (head only), and a rinky dink nation with only one hotel.

It is bad, real bad. Creepiest of all is having a back seat Hitler–head only–menacing despite Hitler’s utter dependence of others.  No Boys from Brazil, this has madness all about.  Imagine the worst of mid century film making—and one of the century’s worst dictators—and you have (sadly) They Saved Hitler’s Brain.

This movie has neither visible dogs nor diamonds.  It does have Dolph Lundgren (aka “The Swedish Meatball”) in the lead role as a troubled macho man living and working in Mongolia. His life is a mixture of police line-ups, mob payoffs, and illegal fighting/betting.

He gets hired to provide security/protection to a fuzzy group of questionable characters interested in stealing a Buddhist Thangka (tapestry). Beyond some entertaining tradional Mongol singing/dancing, there is a series of gunfights and hand to hand fighting.  The movie seems to have run out of money as the movie was made.  Crudy acting, wide gaps in storyline, bare bone props…o.k. the mobile vehicular gunfights has some “excitement” quotient.  But this movie is a dog, a mongrel at that.

Dolph was planning on making a frnachise of the “Rambo-like” character.  After seeing the movie crash and burn, Dolph decided to run and hide.  Hideous, despite the coolness of the locale, this movie is ugly bad and watchable as a cheap thrill or for the 2 minutes of tradional Mongol dancing.

(This trainwreck was $3 from Big Lots)

There are good OTHs and bad OTHs.  Nevada Heat is good.  It is a cop movie–a pretty dame, a tough cop, intriguing mugs pushing their attitude in Las Vegas.  Telly Savalas (aka Kojak of the small screen) headlines this surprisingly entertaining 1970’s crime flick.

Pia Zadora, one of the few survivors with film careers of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, is all grown up in this picture.  Like in Santa Clausshe sings (and pretty well) as a night club act—mirroring her real life talents and career path.  She also bares herself—as said above “she’s all grown up”.  Pia herself made it worth watching.  But added to these stars there are minor faces to recognize including Telly’s brother George (who stays near Telly’s shadow) and Larry Storch of F-Troop fame playing a flamboyant hustler to cringing perfection. 

There is main plot and some subplots, some glimpses at Las Vegas nightlife circa 1970s and some casino destruction that has none of the digital overlay of CGI.  I picked this movie up on the cheap and it is a nice Saturday Afternoon movie with mild violence and sex.

You’d swear it was a high grade low grade movie.  The production is between a Hollywood movie and Marvin the Western nut with a video cam.  Actually the title says it all—a drug cartel circa 1882.  The story is quirky, but the characters are simply over the top.  Horace Longstreet, the cold hearted kingpin has a deep christian streak and very nagging wife.  Highly entertaining with a taste of life back then (with odd reference to here and now).  The movie starts rough, confusing, but takes on a swing of its own.  I put this movie in the OTH category because it is a stand alone—a far out western with some strange twists—the John Wayne wannabee and a very transvestite prostitute.

This is not the 2009 movie of the same name.  This is a late 1990’s space romp teetering on the edge of hilarity.  Despite the usually wise Avi Nesher producing and the normally fantastic Terry Ferrall (Becker, Deep Space Nine) in the leading role, the movie is at best an entertaining example of out of work actors meeting an out of touch script. Parker Stevenson of Hardy Boys fame gets recruited for this clownish adventure.  Another has been Rick Springfield made the cut.  Finally Corey Feldman, enigmatic to the core, actually shines in this otherwise murky film.

The story is about the post-apocolypse, redemption by fire  (do you smell Dirty Dozen?), and some issues of trust and allegiance.  The violence is abundant, the dialogue trashy (with tons of annoying and overused expletives), and the team leader, Farrell, just can’t get enough of being the heavy.  The team, all reprobates, have unique issues which play out in this deadly game of hide and seek.  The best word to describe is a “crap-shoot” as both “happen” with appalling regularity.

This is worth watching if a fan of the actors, if deep space dimwits with guns are your fancy, or if watching good actors mouthing (off) bad scripts get you excited.

There is great pleasure in having holiday tradition.  Christmas brings It’s A Wonderful Life.  Last year WSBK brought an Andelman 3 Stooge Fest.  The Andelman’s hawk the Phantom Gourmet.  And their M.O. is the same for the Fest–loud, edgy, and annoying.  Oh they try to be hip–but they overplay, overact, and overkill.  Probably due to budget reasons their selection of stooge shorts were the outhouse dregs.  I prefer local over cookie cutter national broadcasting, but your corny humor and dull shorts lost a viewer.

Now AMC has only been a few hours into their two day Stooge-a-thon and there is no wasted time due to moronic gabbing AND the selection is standard stooge—perfectly acceptable (and b/w not the cartoon style above which is just for illustration).  I do have a complaint though.  Through commercial bias the shorts (which should run uninterrupted from start to finish) are chopped, every single one, by commercial break. Oy Ve!!!

This doozy from the 1960’s takes the Munsters from the little screen to the big screen.  Don’t expect improvement.  Everything about the movie is limp and tepid.  Even such movie luminaries as Richard Dawson and Bernard Fox fail to light up this dark and dreary drab excuse for a movie.  Munster fans may get some run out the production.  I would recommend this to break the will of captured Taliban.

More mucking with nature mayhem here. A crippled wealthy recluse who hates nature has a manse in the middle of the swamp. Instead of moving to Park Avenue he aims to kill every undomesticated creature within DDT range.  And thus the scene is set for 70’s style yank your hair out horror yawn (no typo here, NOT a yarn!).  Oh Ray Milland attempts to bring some cred to this crud.  But the movie is a stretch of a stretch.  Yeah the frogs are out for revenge. But the only tears you’ll shed are from laughing so hard at the horror movie that croaks at every turn.

Got this movie in a haul from Big Lots.  Seeing nature strike back at “the humans” is always entertaining.  There is usually innocent blood shed, a few baddies with a “playing God” complex, and a hero or two.  That is Frankenfish in an egg sac.  The CGI is tolerable since 8 foot long frankenfish are notoriously difficult to film in the wild. The plot is neither fully predictable nor completely understandable.  There are gaps.

But the entertainment value is there as the fish goes fishing for the humans.

World War 2 gets portrayed in many a way.  The Gypsy Warriors is ripped right out of the 1970’s production style.  The producer is Stephen Cannell who produced many a 1970’s shows (Baa Baa Blacksheep).  This movie reeks of the decade.  The acting, the background music, the production values were again 70’s style–not quite corny, within walking distance of lavish.  The movie does have Tom Selleck who can carry a sissy film on his broad shoulders.  There is also James Whitmore, Jr. who carries a family name and little else.  Conceptually the movie is a load of bull.

1940–France falls to the Germans.  Neutral US army officer–hanging out in Great Britain–get called to “secure” some super deadly bio warfare stuff from the Germans.  Oh the US army is cozy with wandering gypsies in France (ok!) and in turn are buddies with the French Resistance—before France even falls.  In one scene the Paris skyline includes the Twin Towers.  It is that kind of a movie.  Someone had time on their hands back in  1977-78.  But at least they did not forget the gypsies.